


Captcha Me If You Can

by coalitiongirl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 14:56:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14046732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coalitiongirl/pseuds/coalitiongirl
Summary: Mayor Mills is now at 388 votes, and Sheriff Swan is at 396. Regina sits back, pleased, and refreshes the page as her eyes drift to the movie she’s supposed to be watching. Mayor Mills now has 418. “This is ridiculous,” Regina mutters, stabbing at damned storefronts for another few minutes. “Is she paying people to vote for me? Did she call one of her hacker friends from her bail bondsperson days?”“When does this competition end?” Henry wonders, sighing heavily. “Asking for a friend,” he adds, his tone making it absolutely clear that he is not, in fact, asking for a friend.“Never,” Regina says, giving him a look. He rolls his eyes right back at her and she nestles against him, picking out what Captcha has decided are statues as the movie continues.





	Captcha Me If You Can

**Author's Note:**

> congrats zimbio champs!!! here is (unedited) nonsense.

“ _ Storybrooke’s Top Government Official _ ,” Emma says, blinking at the link on her Facebook feed. “What is this?” 

 

Regina jabs her finger out to scroll away from it. “Nothing,” she says hastily. She’s currently curled up on their bed beside where Emma is sitting, her head nestled comfortably against Emma’s side. “Just a terrible PR idea that your mother has been pushing. She thinks it’ll get people to  _ know their elected officials better _ . Mostly, it seems like a way for my secretary to do better than I do.” 

 

“She is not,” Emma says, clicking the link to see. “Though I’m pretty sure she should get a medal for all the times she’s canceled your meetings so we could…” She wiggles her eyebrows fondly at her wife. Regina rolls her eyes and lies back, resting her head on her pillow. “Hey!” Emma says in delight. “You’re in first place.” 

 

“By  _ two votes _ ,” Regina says without looking at the screen. Not that she’s keeping track at all. She’s just making sure that this poll doesn’t implode when the town council members find out about their rankings.

 

“Three,” Emma corrects her. “And I’m in second place.” She grins widely. “As it should be.”

 

“It won’t last,” Regina says, very certain of that. “You’re the most popular person in this whole town. The people love you, and they don’t love _ me _ .” 

 

Emma scoffs. “Please. You terrorized them for decades and cast a curse that transplanted them here and they still reelected you as mayor last year. They  _ adore  _ you.” She yawns, setting the laptop down to the side of her and leaning back in the bed. “You and the town: a love story for the ages.” 

 

Regina raises her eyebrows, playing along. “I thought that was you and me.” 

 

“I can share you,” Emma says, stretching out beside her. 

 

“No, you can’t.” They’re both not very good at sharing, they’ve discovered over time, and even worse at pretending that they might be. There have been far too many years pining to waste any more time downplaying exactly what they mean to each other.

 

Emma shifts, and she’s suddenly on top of Regina, pressing her down into the bed. Her face is very close, and her hands push Regina’s satin pajamas down, letting her settle onto Regina’s hips. Emma, Regina discovers as her mouth dries, has forgone her panties tonight. “No,” Emma agrees, her fingers sliding up under Regina’s shirt. “I can’t.” 

 

Regina keeps her hips very still, her own hands moving to grasp Emma’s firm ass and squeezing it. “How about a wager,” she breathes as Emma brushes her lips against Regina’s. 

 

She slips her fingers longer, down to caress Emma’s slit, and Emma shudders and manages, “I’m listening.” 

 

“If I finish in first place on the poll, you get to do… _ anything  _ you want to me for one night,” she says, crooking a finger to slide it into Emma. Emma lets out a low sigh, almost a moan, and nods. Regina smiles, slow and hungry, and removes her finger to Emma’s whine.

 

Instead, she grasps Emma and flips her, pressing her down to the bed and removing the long T-shirt she’d been wearing in one swift move. Emma’s back arches and Regina presses against her, satin on skin. “And if you finish in first place,” she finishes in Emma’s ear, nibbling at her earlobe. “I do whatever I want to you for one night.”

 

Emma rocks against her, catching a nipple in her mouth and massaging the other breast with one hand. Regina writhes, just a little. “Deal,” she says, and there’s a puff of magic and she’s back on top, smirking down at Regina. “One vote per person, right? This is up to the town. That  _ loves  _ you.” 

 

“Please,” Regina scoffs, and then Emma shifts backwards and nestles between Regina’s thighs and Regina is saying  _ please  _ quite a bit more, for very different reasons.

 

* * *

 

And really, Regina does intend to play fair at first. She casts her single vote for Emma, obediently clicking the  _ Vote!  _ button and then selecting  _ I’m not a robot _ when that pops up. The screen then demands that she select all the squares that pop up that have vehicles in them, and she makes a face. “Why is this poll making it so hard to vote for Emma?” she demands, scowling at the screen. 

 

“It’s a Captcha,” Henry says without looking up from his video game. “Whoever put the poll together must have done that to stop people from spamming the poll with five thousand votes for…Albert Spencer, or whoever. It keeps people honest.” 

 

She fails at satisfying the Captcha and is giving a new one where she has to click the road signs. “Then why does it seem to think I’m a robot?” she says sulkily. “Emma did this. She’s trying to sabotage our bet.” 

 

“Everyone gets the Captchas, Mom,” Henry says. “It’s fine. Just keep going until it stops.” 

 

Regina glances at him, realization dawning. “You voted in this poll, didn’t you? Who did you pick?” Not that she’d be  _ offended  _ if he’d picked his other mother, exactly, except…maybe a little. 

 

“Your secretary,” Henry says without missing a beat. “She puts up with all your gross  _ impromptu meetings  _ with the sheriff’s department, and she warns me to stay away when I come visit. She’s the only one in the government that I trust.” 

 

Regina narrows her eyes at him. He’s developing quite the sarcastic bent as he grows up, which is probably to be expected and absolutely her fault.  _ Still _ . “She isn’t going to win. Emma’s going to win.” 

 

But the day passes, and Mayor Mills is still in the lead in the poll, now by six votes. Which is absurd, and Regina suspects foul play. Which makes it only fair, she thinks, that she can vote a few more times for Emma. 

 

Anyway, it’s a lot of work just to make it through the Captchas. She squints at building after building in the little squares on her phone, stabbing randomly at the ones she thinks Captcha might believe are storefronts. It’s late, and Emma is asleep in her arms, and for a moment, Regina feels guilty for cheating on their wager. 

 

At least Captcha is making her work for it.

 

She successfully submits ten votes for Sheriff Swan, letting her coast into the lead, and goes to sleep content.

 

* * *

 

“Regina!” Emma says cheerfully when Regina pads downstairs in the morning in search of coffee. “Good morning to Storybrooke’s top government official!” 

 

“What?” Regina says, staring blearily at her wife. Emma fills her mug, passing it to her, and the fumes of the coffee revive her from her post-sleep fugue. “No, I’m not,” she says smugly. “Haven’t you seen the poll recently?” 

 

“Haven’t  _ you _ ?” Emma retorts, pressing an absent-minded kiss to her cheek. 

 

Regina sits down at the table, fumbling for her phone, and calls up the poll page. Mayor Mills is back in the lead by eight votes. “Impossible,” she gasps, staring at the results page. An idea occurs to her, and she looks up at Emma accusingly. “You voted more than once, didn’t you?” 

 

“Really? You’re going to blame  _ me _ ?” Emma demands. “When I went to sleep last night, you were leading by six votes. You’re telling me that ten people voted for me last night, fair and square?” 

 

“Maybe they did!” Regina shoots back.

 

Emma scoffs. “And maybe twelve people voted for you this morning. They should! You’re a very good mayor!”

 

“Well, you’re an exemplary sheriff,” Regina says grouchily. Emma slips into the chair next to her, slipping an arm around her waist and resting her head on Regina’s shoulder. It’s very nice. “It’s a shame that our sheriff is now proven to be a  _ cheater _ .” 

 

Emma wrinkles her nose at Regina. “Wrong,” she says. “Imagine the scandal when everyone finds out that the mayor is embezzling votes for her wife.” 

 

“I am  _ not _ ,” Regina says indignantly. Which is maybe an outright lie, but she’s suddenly sure that Emma’s cheating, too. 

 

She’s got to fight fire with fire, and that’s why she orders everyone in Town Hall to vote for Emma when she comes in that morning. She votes under her desk during some harrowing meetings, glancing down to figure out which Captcha squares contain busses and which contain storefronts and why some of the squares keep producing  _ new  _ pictures no matter how many times she clicks them. 

 

But curiously, by the time Emma comes around for lunch, Mayor Mills and Sheriff Swan are neck-and-neck. “What did you do, offer get-out-of-jail-free cards to anyone who voted for me?” Regina says suspiciously, cutting into her calzone.

 

Emma guilty face says that that’s exactly what she’d done. “Not if I was bringing anyone in for  _ violent  _ crimes,” she says defensively. “Just a few squabbles at Granny’s that were easily remedied once people started voting.” 

 

“A few squabbles,” Regina repeats, looking at their vote totals. Third place– Regina’s secretary, naturally– has eighteen votes. Mayor Mills has one hundred and eight, and Sheriff Swan has one hundred and twelve. “How many people did you arrest today?” 

 

“Enough,” Emma says, biting into her pizza. “How’s your calzone?”

 

Regina slides a piece into Emma’s mouth, and Emma sighs happily and licks off every last bit of cheese from Regina’s fingers. It’s surprisingly sensual. Emma watches Regina from beneath her eyelashes, and Regina hits the button on her phone that calls her secretary. “I’m taking a long lunch today,” she says abruptly. “No visitors.” 

 

“Yes, Madam Mayor.” The door is locked discreetly, and Regina and Emma disappear with a puff of magic for an early dessert.

 

* * *

 

The thing is, it’s not  _ probable  _ for Mayor Mills to be getting so many votes without help, and if Emma’s roped half the town into voting for her, then Regina voting for Sheriff Swan multiple times is just evening the field. Regina  _ could  _ threaten all the townspeople into voting for Sheriff Swan, anyway. Voting herself just means that she’s growing as a person.

 

“If you say so,” Henry says skeptically when she tells him so. Emma is out on a late patrol, and they’re watching a movie. Well, Henry’s watching a movie. Regina is trying desperately to keep Sheriff Swan’s lead against Mayor Mills. 

 

“Do you think this is a fire hydrant?” Regina asks, squinting at the Captcha boxes. “Why is it white? Are fire hydrants white?” She clicks it and then groans when Captcha demands that she select all images with road signs. 

 

There are no road signs. She clicks  _ skip _ , and Captcha, ostensibly satisfied that she had passed its test, allows her to vote at last.

 

Mayor Mills is now at 388 votes, and Sheriff Swan is at 396. Regina sits back, pleased, and refreshes the page as her eyes drift to the movie she’s supposed to be watching. Mayor Mills now has 418. “This is  _ ridiculous _ ,” Regina mutters, stabbing at damned storefronts for another few minutes. “Is she paying people to vote for me? Did she call one of her hacker friends from her bail bondsperson days?” 

 

“When does this competition end?” Henry wonders, sighing heavily. “Asking for a friend,” he adds, his tone making it absolutely clear that he is not, in fact, asking for a friend.

 

“Never,” Regina says, giving him a  _ look _ . He rolls his eyes right back at her and she nestles against him, picking out what Captcha has decided are statues as the movie continues.

 

* * *

 

Truthfully, Regina isn’t even entirely sure there  _ are  _ four thousand people in Storybrooke, which makes it impossible that Mayor Mills is just gaining more support every day of the competition. It’s been almost two weeks of a three-week poll, and Regina has spent so much time identifying Captchas that her eyes are beginning to glaze over whenever she so much as looks at a road sign.

 

And yet, Emma manages to keep her at bay no matter what she does. Emma still steadfastly denies putting in multiple votes; but then again, so does Regina. “I don’t need to  _ cheat  _ to prove that Storybrooke favors their savior,” she says huffily when Emma makes the accusation. “Where are all of  _ your  _ votes coming from?” 

 

“People,” Emma says, cagey. “Lots of them. Third place only has thirty-seven votes. Obviously, the town has spoken.” 

 

“I don’t believe you,” Regina says, narrowing her eyes at Emma.

 

Emma sighs. “Can we hold off on talking about this right now? I’m a little busy.” She thrusts forward again between Regina’s legs, and Regina clenches her thighs around Emma, moving with her until they’re both coming. Their bodies are slicked with sweat, and they ride out their orgasms for a long few moments until they collapse beside each other and grab their phones in unison. “Mm,” Emma says, tangling a leg between Regina’s. “No new votes for Sheriff Swan in the past thirty minutes. Look at that.” She smirks.

 

Regina stares at her own phone in disbelief. “One new vote for Mayor Mills? How is that  _ possible _ –” Emma slips a hand around her to tweak her clit, which is thoroughly distracting, but Regina isn’t done. “Did you–?” 

 

“I voted  _ once  _ in this whole poll,” Emma says smugly. “This just proves it.” 

 

Regina glares at her. “I’m never letting you blindfold me again.” 

 

Emma rubs Regina’s slit thoughtfully, her thumb pressing against Regina’s clit again. “Are you sure about that?” she breathes, and Regina can’t recall what exactly it had been that she’d said.

 

* * *

 

The competition only intensifies in the final week of the poll, and Regina finds herself awakening with her heart pounding, snatching up her phone before she even opens her eyes to see how much ground she’s lost overnight. By midday, she’s usually recaptured Sheriff Swan’s lead, only to fight her way through the evening neck-and-neck with Mayor Mills. Emma is  _ not  _ going to win this, as much as she thinks she’d probably enjoy whatever Emma has in store for her. This is a matter of pride. 

 

She considers briefly donning one of her old dresses and setting the town on fire to divert votes from Mayor Mills, but Henry talks her down from that ledge. “You do want there to be a town to come back to when the poll is done, don’t you?” he implores. “There is life beyond the poll.” 

 

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Regina mutters, stabbing bicycles in the Captcha tiles. Sheriff Swan is five votes behind Mayor Mills, which should be easily rectified. Captcha decides to show her six different sets of pictures before it lets her vote, though, and by the end of it, she’s eight votes behind instead. “Damn it.” 

 

Still, she stays up late the night before the end to take back the lead, clicking mechanically in bed with Emma’s head resting on her abdomen. At this point, she isn’t entirely sure herself that she isn’t a robot. 

 

“Are you voting?” Emma mumbles into her stomach.

 

“Of course not,” Regina sets haughtily.

 

Emma lets out a dubious snort and mutters, “I love you,” drowsily as her breathing evens out. 

 

Regina kisses the top of her head. “Sleep well, darling,” she murmurs, and picks all the squares on her phone screen that contain vehicles.

 

She’s nearly fifty votes ahead when she goes to sleep, and she wakes up eighty behind. “ _ No _ ,” she says, horrified, and calls in sick. Emma is already gone for the day, and Regina heads to Granny’s, voting all the way. There’s no time to make her own breakfast.

 

Emma is there at Granny’s, her eyes glued to her phone, and Regina settles in opposite her at their regular booth. “Morning, love.” 

 

“Morning,” Emma says without looking up. “I ordered the chocolate chip pancakes for us. And coffee. I didn’t have coffee yet.” 

 

“Neither did I.” The gap is narrowing, but just barely, and Regina falls silent. Snow drifts over to them to chat with Emma, and Regina pounces, taking advantage of Emma’s distraction to vote faster and harder. 

 

“You two are really into this poll, aren’t you?” Snow says cheerfully.

 

“Not really, no,” Emma says, glancing down at her phone again. 

 

Regina shrugs. “Not at all,” she says, stabbing road signs. 

 

“Well, the town has been enthralled by your race to the finish line,” Snow says. “I’ve been voting for both of you because I just couldn’t choose.” 

 

Regina looks up to glare at her. “So you just canceled out your own votes. What’s the point in that?” 

 

“Support?” Snow says, looking confused. She brightens. “Anyway, just as a heads-up, Granny is going to make a whole  _ thing  _ out of whoever wins. She has a poster all ready to hang on her storefront–”

 

_ Storefront.  _ The word engages something furious and primal within Regina, and she spits out a, “ _ Never say that damnable word in my presence, _ ” at the exact instant as Emma growls, “ _ Shut the fuck up about fucking storefronts! _ ” 

 

They stare at each other suddenly, eyes widening in comprehension. “You  _ are  _ cheating!” they both accuse each other at once.

 

“No one hates Captchas that much without manually voting for themselves twelve thousand one hundred and thirteen times,” Emma accuses. 

 

“Twelve thousand one hundred and  _ fourteen _ ,” Regina corrects, putting in the last vote that ties them. “And  _ you’d  _ know.” 

 

“Well, you were obviously cheating on our bet! I wasn’t going to let you win!”

 

“You cheated first!” 

 

“I did not. You started it!”

 

“Wait,” Snow says, waving a hand between them to get their attention. “Wait, are  _ all  _ those votes just from the two of you?” She looks very disappointed in them both.

 

Emma hangs her head. Regina says, “What of it?” 

 

Snow sighs. “Well, obviously this poll wasn’t as successful as I thought it would be. I’m going to have to disqualify both of you on behalf of the people of Storybrooke.”

 

“That’s not fair,” Emma protests. “Mayor Mills was in the lead even before we started this bet.” 

 

“That was Day  _ One _ ,” Regina points out. “Anything could have happened. Aren’t we both citizens of Storybrooke?” she demands of Snow. “Don’t we get our votes?” 

 

Snow shakes her head. “Not like this,” she says sadly. “I was rooting for both of you.” 

 

“You can’t root for  _ both _ of us,” Emma says grumpily. “You can only pick one.” She drops her phone onto the table, staring down at it in frustration.

 

Regina votes again, just so she has the lead  _ regardless  _ of disqualification, and looks up at her wife helplessly. She hadn’t expected  _ this  _ to happen, and she can’t recall exactly what it is that she does with her free time, now that the poll is over and done with.

 

“Want to go make out in your office?” Emma suggests.

 

_ Oh. That _ . “Always,” Regina says fervently, and she sticks her phone in her purse and makes a beeline for the door.

 

* * *

 

Regina’s secretary does, in fact, win the whole competition.


End file.
